whereisthomas:

The lead singer of my band Your Favorite Coastline covering a great Boys Like Girls song!

whats left of this world weve been given

whats left for the rest of us to find

a world with no heroes just villains

a world so beautiful yet were blind

taking advantage of

these things weve grown to love

till they leave us into the unkown

but nows not the time to lose hope

sing a song draw the moon 

whatever it takes to cope

because dusk isnt the end of the light

youve just gotta wait it out till you blow up and fill the night

for the fourth night in a row I drowned my self in though till it tears through my happiness or atleast pretend happiness…I’m getting so good at faking it sometimes I even convince myself that is until I’m alone the silence will always break me down to size.but maybe that really is what happiness is just faking it enough until even u are convinced. or is that just me am I so sick and twisted that I make up things to legitimize my depressing thoughts… I mean I use a tumblr as a diary like a12 yr old girl just hoping one day someone might care enough to read it…but I feel sorry for who ever does…nothing but worthless blabbing and pity parties but I guess tjats all devin is….a pity party noone will ever come to.

This is the part of depression that you get lost in…your so far from any shred of something familiar that you just stare into nothing amd hope it something happens…yet it is so fresh in your memory that the scars still bleed if you scratch them long enough…we get stuck In this in between getting yanked like you are just a rope in tug o war… You are then faced with a dilemma sadness vs. nothingness….

Perfectly clear she has made it… All of her intentions all of her feelings…but still I dramatize things in my mind to the of self psycho analysis. “you are not him” story of my life I’m living this lie of not quite being him no matter who you str looking for I’m not him….atleast this one didn’t string me along with lie after lie… Still can’t say it hurt any less…the worst part of it all is that I can’t be mad at anyone but myself I guess….story.of.my.life.

I do this to myself every night. I talk myself out of happiness amd into this hole.things have been going awesome in my life but because things arent point blank obvious I’m in tears…this voice in my head I’m stuck alone with.he’s a dick!

How could she ever like you what the hell is appealing about you. Your not god looking your not funny you will never be rich.why would anyone think twice about you.

The worst part of it all…i can’t argue it. I can not think of 1 reddening quality about me. And I know talking to my friends I will the usual speech how there is all this awesome stuff about me and she would be lucky to have me but I just dont see it…

But there is hope I can not frown when I talk to her I just can’t…i hate howe I look when I smile but the second I see her name on my phone its stuck there.

pitch black. away from the sounds of the city the disapproving looks of your friends and family… sitting on the hood of your car… silent nothing but the feint tone of breathing and the occasional crash of thunder… so different from the reality of how life really is but in this moment perfection… even In the darkest night I’ve ever seen your eyes gleam brighter than any star… we both know its wrong but as I get lost in the light of your eyes i can’t help but give in and kiss you cuz you on that night will always ber my weakness.

I’m running in circles but not losing any weight I’m living in a world of nothing but wait wait wait My ties are spinning but the rpm stuck at zero I’m mother fuckin superman but ill never be a hero

I didn’t want to love her it just kind of happened. I knew it would be difficult especially telling my parents… I knew they would be crushed. But i cant control my feelings. the second i saw her i knew i was screwed. I want to be just like everyone else but I cant. Its not my fault that im not gay but they just dont understand.

I have tried to tell my dads but how do you tell someone who has raised you from birth to be a make up artist that instead you want to be a construction worker I know its a girls job but i just love working with wood and tools. let alone how akward it will be having a girl in this house. let alone how im going to quit my job.

I just wish that the gay people would accept me… every day at work the mockery and the laughs I just cant take it sometimes and oh my god dont get me started on those damn questions, “so like how do you do it i mean you both have different genitals?” “why dont you just be normal and get with a guy like yourself?” “hey there goes that straight kid have you seen his girl friend its so gross” “oh hey look carpet muncher kiss your girlfriend today?” I deal with it every day so ive grown accustomed to it but sometimes it gets old.

God forbid i go through the city with her or ill end up in the hospital with broken limbs and thats a best case scenario. I dont get it just because I fell in love with someone with a vagina that makes me a terrible person? it makes me gross?

I just feel so alone. I know there are others and I’ll always have her with me but they seclude me so much because im different i almost feel like im not human. Like this sexual desire makes me an alien or an animal.

But you know what i dont care. I love her that is the 1 thing in this world im sure about. they can kick me, laugh at me, post terrible stuff on my facebook wall, but damn it they cant take this from me. I know who i am and if they cant handle it damn them. I have fought for my girl and fought for my rights my whole life and i will not give up. If for nothing else than to make sure they dont win. Their ignorance will not prevail! I might just have to move to san fransisco i hear there are entire towns of straight people their.

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is archibald von steinenberg, I was raised in a quaint little village outside of new brunswick to foster parents who contrary to pop culture treated me quite delightful, that was until *it* came… I never would have suspected the end of an era to come quite so ubruptly but alas our fate is everyones decision but our own.

Just kidding.

Expect alot of that here. I plan to just write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes ill post random thoughts (which will probably be long winded) or poems or short stories or naked pictures…you know the whole lot of artistic endeavors.

First things first my name is Devin I am 19 going on 82. Im about as random as cheese in a lollipop factory. I have no forseeable “steady or structurally sound future” so come on this journey into my head and hopefully we make it out the other ear without being lost in a nasal cavity like last time…ugh dont get me started on last time.

Love,

Archibald aka Johnny McLonghorn aka Your trustworthy tour guide into the human thought process aka Devin <3